I can’t tell you how many times
I’ve surfed through Kate Upton’s Twitter account, stunned by a) her brows
(what? Beautiful brows really structure the face!), b) her visage as a
collective whole and c) her bust.
I mean, sheez, could those
puppies be any fuller or more natural-looking? They’re not so insanely perky
and round where you just know she
made a resolute trip to the plastic surgery center sometime before her career
launched. Nah, on the total Upside (see what I did there?), they look real and
gorgeous. If she had surgery, she could’ve fooled me.
One fateful day, after gawking at
her cleavage for an unjustifiable time span and wondering how on this precious
earth someone could be so #blessed, I had a change of heart. Yes, you read
right, a #ChangeOfHeart (over the hashtags now, don’t worry).
Indisputably, we live in a
culture where having a bigger bosom is completely overemphasized and weighty
(no pun intended) in a woman’s measure of appearance. And you know what? I
think it’s high time we minimize this kind of misplaced significance. Because
Kate’s double Ds are fabulous, no doubt, but so are my Bs. Here’s a few reminders
of why we smaller-chested women have a few perks (pun definitely intended) of
our own—and P.S. world, we look just as beautiful.
1.
No back probz.
First and foremost, I’m grateful
for my physical well-being—specifically, my back isn’t in a constant state of suffering
from transporting heavy jugs every day of the week. Kate, you managed to make
it look easy when your bikini-clad self jogged on the beach suggestively during
The Other Woman. I applaud how well
you fare with your heavy workload.
2. Bras are (sometimes) optional.
Have long hair? B cups or under?
Then you, my friend, are eligible for the no-bra option. Seriously, though,
when I’m picking up a pizza or making a quick run to the drugstore, there’s
really no need for a boob cage if I throw on a sweatshirt and leave my hair
down. And no, this is definitely not a
Rachel Green situation. I stress the sweatshirt component.
3.
Guys aren’t dating me for my bosom.
True, it’s possible for potential
suitors to *try* to use me in other ways. But at least this is one thing I can
cross off the list. Mild cleavage means modest chest attention, which basically
equates to zero concern of too much boob interest.
4.
Exercise is a carefree experience.
I shouldn’t use the word
“carefree,” exactly, because exercise kind of makes me feel like I want to die.
But that’s beside the point. When I decide to go for a run in my neighborhood
(which happens once every few years, average), knocker floppage isn’t a concern.
Which is lovely in its own right. Small boobs are pretty easy to contain, in
case you weren’t aware.
5.
Boob sweat is minimal.
Steamy August Saturday? Yeah,
small boobs sweat too. Fortunately, though, there’s not too much substance for
moisture to collect beneath. The occasional layer of perspiration does indeed
make an appearance, but odor is basically non-existent. Do they make boob
deodorant, anyway? Mental note: Check Amazon.
Small boobs, medium boobs, big
boobs and everything in-between. Every size is delightful, because in perfect
honesty, variety is what makes this earth turn. So small-breasted ladies, the
next time you’re thinking of buying that extra extra cushioned push-up bra … don’t. Instead, walk right past the bra
section altogether, because hello. See
number two.
